Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Book Report on the Bible

Greetings!


Sometimes kids come up with the craziest things.  I want to visit this today.  A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible.  This is his story.


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.  The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that.  Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.  Then God made the world.


He split the Adam and made Eve.  Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.  Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.  Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.


Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.  Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.


One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.  Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it.  He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.


After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Jacob was more famous than his brother Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.  Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.


Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name is Charlton Heston.  Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh - after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people.  These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.


God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.  Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.  These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.  Oh yeah, I just thought of one more:  Humor thy father and thy mother.  One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible guy to use spies.


Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.  After Joshua came David.  He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.  He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.


After Solomon there was a bunch of major league prophets.  One of these, Jonah, was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore.


There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.


After the Old Testament came the New Testament.  Jesus is the star of the New Testament.  He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.  (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door!  Were you born in a barn?"  It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")


During his life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and Republicans.  He also had twelve opossums.  The worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.


Jesus was a great man.  He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.  But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.  Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus.  He just washed his hands instead.


Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.  He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end.  His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Friday, January 29, 2016

God in Suffering

Father Joe Kempf, in his book No One Cries The Wrong Way:  Seeing God Through Tears (Copyright 2012, Our Sunday Visitor), deals with the issue of God and suffering.  In that book, he shares the following.




"The humble beauty of the presence of God with us in our suffering is illustrated for me by Solomon Rosenberg's story of his family's experience in one of the Nazi death camps.  This particular camp was a work camp-as long as a person could work they could escape the death chambers.  In the family of Solomon Rosenberg, the first to go were his aged parents who were well into their 80s, and who broke quickly under the inhuman conditions.


Solomon knew that the next to go in his family would probably be their younger son David, who was slightly physically disabled, and was able now to work less and less.  Each morning the family would be separated for their work assignments, and each night when they came back to huddle together in the barracks the father returned frightened-wondering whether this might be the day that David would be taken.  Each night, as he entered the barracks, his eyes quickly sought out his little boy David, his oldest boy Jacob, and his wife, the mother of his children.


Then came the night that he feared.  As he walked into the barracks, he could see none of his family and became frantic.  His eyes searched again for the precious faces of his family members.  Finally, he saw the figure of his oldest boy Jacob, hunched over and weeping in the corner.  He still could not see David or his wife.  He hurried to Jacob and said, "Son, tell me it isn't so.  Did they take David today?"  "Yes, Papa ," he said through his tears, "today they came to take David.  They said he could no longer do his work."  And Solomon could feel his heart break.  "But Mama, where is Mama?  She is still strong.  Surely, they wouldn't take Mama, too?"


Jacob looked at his father through his tears and said, "Papa, Papa.  When they came to take David, he was afraid, and he cried.  So Mama said to David, 'You don't have to be afraid, David.  I will go with you and hold you close.'"


And she did just that.  Jacob's mother went with her son to the gas chamber, holding him close so he wouldn't have to be afraid. 


I (Father Joe Kempf) am convinced that, together, they were held by God.  For that is the kind of God we have-one who does not cause our suffering, but rather embraces it with us.  At the very end of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus said, "And know that, I am with you always, until the end of the world."  There is no place we can go, no situation we could ever find ourselves in, that God is not already there filled with love for us, embracing our sufferings, weeping with us, and holding us close" (Pages 14-15).


Well stated!  Father Peter Schuster



Friday, November 6, 2015

The Right Hands

Matthew Kelly in his book A Call to Joy (pages 82-84) shares the story of Amanda Wellings.  Here is her story.  Amanda Wellings was nine years old and living in Princeton when both her parents and her teacher, Mrs. Bobak, were prepared to admit that she had a problem with mathematics.  The adults met to discuss the problem and decided on individual tutoring.  Yet, even with tutoring, nothing changed.  Amanda failed her mathematics test every week.


At this point both the parents and teacher agreed that mathematics was not one of Amanda's gifts.  Perhaps she should be encouraged to change her focus.


Not long after, Mrs. Bobak called in Amanda's parents and congratulated them for their work.  Mrs. Bobak mentioned that week after week Amanda's results in mathematics had been improving; she was now at the top of the class and had for the last three weeks not made a single mistake.  The parents were stunned, sharing with Mrs. Bobak, that they had not done anything.


When Amanda's parents returned to their home, confused yet eager to know what had caused this remarkable change in their daughter's mathematics ability, Amanda was already asleep.  So the next morning at the breakfast table Mr.Wellings asked, "Amanda, what has caused your grades to improve in mathematics?"  The little girl replied, "I heard about a man in town who was good with numbers.  So the day Mrs. Bobak told me that she would not be tutoring me anymore, I stopped at his house.  Tommy, the boy who sits next to me in school, had told me where he lived.  I knocked on the door and explained my problem to the man.  He was very nice and patient.  He listened to me, and then when I finished he told me to come to visit at the same time every day after school.  He said he would help me."  She continued, "Daddy, this man knows everything, even more than you.  He taught me mathematics.  It was the same stuff Mrs. Bobak had tried to teach me, but it was different."


Amanda's mother interrupted to ask, "What is the man's name?"  The young girl replied, "I'm not sure, because it has all sorts of letters and its confusing.  But it's something like Einstein."


Both parents just sat back and stared at each other.  Amanda continued, "He told me that some of us are slower than others, but we all get there in the end."


Isn't it amazing what is possible when we place ourselves in the right hands?  If what Einstein did with Amanda left her parents speechless, what is possible with the hands of God?


God's blessings!  Father Peter Schuster

Thursday, July 2, 2015

You and Your Word

Matthew Kelly on pages 51-52 in his book A Call To Joy shares the following story. 


There once was a successful businessman who owned a very large company.  Business was not too good, however, and his company was in a lot of trouble.  It looked like the company might go down, and his competitors were ready to pounce on his market share.  But this man had a plan that he knew, without a doubt, would revive his company.


It was Saturday morning and he was preparing a speech to give at his company's annual staff dinner that evening.  In his speech, he wanted to show them the first part of his plan.  But more than that, he wanted to emphasize that if his plan was to be speedily and successfully implemented, it was dependent on the individual response of each one of his employees.


That morning while writing his speech, his wife had to go out shopping.  Ten minutes after she left, he heard a knock on the study door.  There stood his seven-year-old son, who complained, "Dad, I'm bored."  The father attempted to play a game with the boy and write the speech at the same time.  This went on for nearly two hours until the father realized that unless he could find some other way to amuse his son, he was not going to finish his speech in time.  So he picked up a magazine and flipped through the pages until he found a large, brightly colored map of the world.  He tore the page out and ripped it into many pieces.  Throwing the pieces all over the living room floor, the father said, "Son, if you can put the map of the world back together, I will give you a dollar."


The child rushed to the task, eager to earn some extra money, while the father returned to his study believing that he had just bought himself two or maybe three hours to finish his speech; he knew that his seven-year-old son had no idea what the map of the world looked like.  But within ten minutes, he heard another knock on the study door, and there stood his smiling son with the completed puzzle in his hands.  Amazed, the father said to the child, "Son, how did you finish to so quickly?"  The child smiled larger than ever, "Well, dad, I had no idea what the map of the world looked like, but there was a picture of a man on the back.  I put a piece of paper down on the floor.  Then on top of that piece of paper I put the picture of the man together.  I put another piece of paper on top and turned them both over.  I took the top piece of paper off and there was the world, complete and in order."


As the father stood there in awe, the boy continued, "Dad, I figured if I got the man right, the world would be right."


And so, the moral is simple.  Get the man (woman) right, and the world will fall in order!  A great lesson to have before us.


Father Schuster

Friday, January 23, 2015

Thoughts on Prayer

In his book Catching Fire Becoming Flame:  A Guide for Spiritual Transformation, Father Albert Haase addresses our spiritual relationship with God.  On pages 46-47, Father Haase writes about two of the most common concerns regarding prayer.

"Dryness in prayer is a sign that something is happening.  There is a common misconception that if prayer becomes dry, boring, dissatisfying, or meaningless, we are doing something wrong.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Dryness is always an indication that our prayer techniques are flaming out as God takes over and teaches us new ways to communicate.  When we are not getting anything out of prayer, it's important that we continue to remain faithful to it.  Just showing up every day and going through the motions is a bold act of fidelity that is blessed by God." (page 46)

"The goal of prayer is not a mind free of distractions but a surrendered heart of love.  Every time I (Father Haase) pray , I have distractions.  My mind seems stoked with green wood that crackles, hisses, pops, and shoots sparks everywhere.  My attention follows those sparks and I become discouraged as I struggle to rid myself of the distractions; to make matters worse, the very effort to rid myself of them becomes another distraction!  Distractions are not as bad as you may think; they can be great teachers in the spiritual life.  They sometimes indicate what we are really passionate about and invested in.  They might also point out areas where we tend to throw water on the kindling.  In both cases, distractions can tell us exactly where are are and become the topics for our heart-to-heart conversation with him by whom we know ourselves to be loved.  The aim of prayer is not the attainment of some Zen-like, thoughtless state of consciousness.  Its fundamental aim is a heart-to-heart conversation in which we learn openness to the call and challenge of the Spirit to lovingly serve our neighbor." (page 46-47)

In these words, Father Haase provides us words of encouragement.  Dryness sometimes happens in prayer and distractions can point us in the direction we need to take in prayer.  Simply put, whatever comes our way, the important thing is that we pray.

God's blessings!  Father Schuster

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Christmas Story

In the depths of the forest there were three trees growing side by side, and one day they got to talking.  One of the trees started the conversation, voicing his ambitions, saying:  "When I get cut down I want to be a cradle to hold a baby, because cradles are the center of attention and affection for everybody within a household."  With this the second tree spoke up in a loud voice:  "When I get cut down I'd like to be a sailing yacht to carry rich and famous people to all the harbors of the world."  A few moments passed and then finally the third tree spoke, saying quietly, "You know, if I am ever cut down I'd like to be a signpost to direct people along the right path.  I would like to show people the way when they are lost and have gone astray."

Time went by and before long the three trees were cut down and taken off to the mill for processing.  Soon a man came to the mill and took the first tree away.  The first tree had expressed a desire to be a cradle.  There was nothing wrong with that, but something else was planned.  The man took the tree away and turned into a dirty old stable to house sheep and cattle and donkeys.

Then another man came to the mill for the second tree.  This tree wanted to be a sailing yacht and there was nothing wrong with that, but something else was planned.  The second tree was turned into a filthy old fishing boat constantly filled with the smell of dead fish.

Before too long the third tree was also taken from the mill.  The third tree wanted to be a signpost-truly a noble plan for a humble tree, but there was another plan.  This third tree was taken away by a centurion and made into a cross for crucifying criminals.

Now it would seem that the plans and ambitions of the three trees had disappeared.  It would seem that they had failed in all they had desired to achieve.

It was not long, however, before, on a cold winter's night, a young man and his wife came along.  The wife was pregnant and they had nowhere to stay.  So they decided to make that stable their home for the night.  That mother was Mary and she gave birth to Jesus our Savior that night in the stable.

The stable, the first tree, wanted to be the center of attention and affection.  It thought that to do this it had to be a cradle.  It didn't.  It needed to be a stable, because it was by becoming a stable that it became the center of attention and affection not only for the people of those times but for the people of all times.  Even to this day that stable is still the focus of our attention and affection in our homes and churches.

The Child grew up.  He was the Christ, and He walked and talked through the streets of the world proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of Heaven.  The second tree, the fishing boat, got to carry the richest and most famous person ever to walk the face of the earth.  The second tree had believed that to carry important people it would have to be a sailing yacht.  The tree was wrong.  It needed to be a fishing boat.  As a fishing boat it became the platform from which our Savior delivered His message not only to the people of that time but to the people of all times.

But this man, Jesus, was just a young man, and He spoke His message far too clearly and uncompromisingly.  Where there was darkness He was trying to shine a light, while other people were guarding the light switch.  He challenged the people both above Him and below Him to change in a way that was far too direct for their liking.  So as people always do when they don't like the message, they killed the messenger.  They dragged him outside the gates of the city, and on that cross, the third tree, they crucified Him.

The third tree wanted to be a signpost, and indeed it became the greatest signpost of all times.  The cross is the signpost that leads us along the right path.  The cross is the signpost that leads us back to the right path when we are lost and have gone astray.

The lesson of the story is simple.  Abandon ourselves and trust in God!

Have a blessed Christmas season!  Father Peter Schuster

P.S.  The story is taken from Matthew Kelly's book entitled "A Call To Joy."  The story is found on pages  29-31.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Advent and St. Nicholas

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (Pope Benedict XVI) wrote a book entitled Seek That Which is Above (Ignatius Press, Copyright 2007).  In the Advent season, we keep the story of Saint Nicholas.  But what is his story?  Cardinal Ratzinger writes, "Nicholas is one of the first people to be venerated as a saint without having been a martyr.  During the persecution of Christians, those who opposed the pagan state power and gave their lives for their faith had quite automatically become great examples of faith.  When peace was concluded between Church and state, people needed new models.  Nicholas impressed them as one ready to help others.  His miracle was not that of great heroism in the face of torture, imprisonment and death. It was the miracle of constant kindness  in everyday life" (page 31).

The Cardinal continues, "Another of the legends expresses it beautifully in this way:  Whereas all the other miracles could be performed by magicians and demons, and thus were ambivalent, one miracle was absolutely transparent and could not involve any deception, namely, that of living out the faith in everyday life for an entire lifetime and maintaining charity.  People in the fourth century experienced this miracle in the life of Nicholas, and all the miracle stories that accrued subsequently to the legend are only variations on this one, fundamental miracle, which Nicholas' contemporaries compared, with wonder and gratitude, to the morning star reflecting the radiance of the light of Christ.  In this man they understood what faith in God's Incarnation means" (page 32).

Thus, the Cardinal concludes, "This, at the deepest level, is the message of Saint Nicholas:  from the light of Christ we are to light the flame of a new humanity, caring for the persecuted, the poor, the little one-this is the core of the legend of St. Nicholas" (page33).

Advent readies us to the mystery of the Incarnation; namely, God has come to His people.  St. Nicholas reminds us that God's people is all people.  We pray through the intercession of St. Nicholas that this Advent we may see and be the face of Christ to all people.

Happy Advent!