Greetings!
Sometimes kids come up with the craziest things. I want to visit this today. A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is his story.
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name is Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh - after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible guy to use spies.
Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there was a bunch of major league prophets. One of these, Jonah, was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")
During his life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and Republicans. He also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Friday, January 29, 2016
God in Suffering
Father Joe Kempf, in his book No One Cries The Wrong Way: Seeing God Through Tears (Copyright 2012, Our Sunday Visitor), deals with the issue of God and suffering. In that book, he shares the following.
"The humble beauty of the presence of God with us in our suffering is illustrated for me by Solomon Rosenberg's story of his family's experience in one of the Nazi death camps. This particular camp was a work camp-as long as a person could work they could escape the death chambers. In the family of Solomon Rosenberg, the first to go were his aged parents who were well into their 80s, and who broke quickly under the inhuman conditions.
Solomon knew that the next to go in his family would probably be their younger son David, who was slightly physically disabled, and was able now to work less and less. Each morning the family would be separated for their work assignments, and each night when they came back to huddle together in the barracks the father returned frightened-wondering whether this might be the day that David would be taken. Each night, as he entered the barracks, his eyes quickly sought out his little boy David, his oldest boy Jacob, and his wife, the mother of his children.
Then came the night that he feared. As he walked into the barracks, he could see none of his family and became frantic. His eyes searched again for the precious faces of his family members. Finally, he saw the figure of his oldest boy Jacob, hunched over and weeping in the corner. He still could not see David or his wife. He hurried to Jacob and said, "Son, tell me it isn't so. Did they take David today?" "Yes, Papa ," he said through his tears, "today they came to take David. They said he could no longer do his work." And Solomon could feel his heart break. "But Mama, where is Mama? She is still strong. Surely, they wouldn't take Mama, too?"
Jacob looked at his father through his tears and said, "Papa, Papa. When they came to take David, he was afraid, and he cried. So Mama said to David, 'You don't have to be afraid, David. I will go with you and hold you close.'"
And she did just that. Jacob's mother went with her son to the gas chamber, holding him close so he wouldn't have to be afraid.
I (Father Joe Kempf) am convinced that, together, they were held by God. For that is the kind of God we have-one who does not cause our suffering, but rather embraces it with us. At the very end of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus said, "And know that, I am with you always, until the end of the world." There is no place we can go, no situation we could ever find ourselves in, that God is not already there filled with love for us, embracing our sufferings, weeping with us, and holding us close" (Pages 14-15).
Well stated! Father Peter Schuster
"The humble beauty of the presence of God with us in our suffering is illustrated for me by Solomon Rosenberg's story of his family's experience in one of the Nazi death camps. This particular camp was a work camp-as long as a person could work they could escape the death chambers. In the family of Solomon Rosenberg, the first to go were his aged parents who were well into their 80s, and who broke quickly under the inhuman conditions.
Solomon knew that the next to go in his family would probably be their younger son David, who was slightly physically disabled, and was able now to work less and less. Each morning the family would be separated for their work assignments, and each night when they came back to huddle together in the barracks the father returned frightened-wondering whether this might be the day that David would be taken. Each night, as he entered the barracks, his eyes quickly sought out his little boy David, his oldest boy Jacob, and his wife, the mother of his children.
Then came the night that he feared. As he walked into the barracks, he could see none of his family and became frantic. His eyes searched again for the precious faces of his family members. Finally, he saw the figure of his oldest boy Jacob, hunched over and weeping in the corner. He still could not see David or his wife. He hurried to Jacob and said, "Son, tell me it isn't so. Did they take David today?" "Yes, Papa ," he said through his tears, "today they came to take David. They said he could no longer do his work." And Solomon could feel his heart break. "But Mama, where is Mama? She is still strong. Surely, they wouldn't take Mama, too?"
Jacob looked at his father through his tears and said, "Papa, Papa. When they came to take David, he was afraid, and he cried. So Mama said to David, 'You don't have to be afraid, David. I will go with you and hold you close.'"
And she did just that. Jacob's mother went with her son to the gas chamber, holding him close so he wouldn't have to be afraid.
I (Father Joe Kempf) am convinced that, together, they were held by God. For that is the kind of God we have-one who does not cause our suffering, but rather embraces it with us. At the very end of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus said, "And know that, I am with you always, until the end of the world." There is no place we can go, no situation we could ever find ourselves in, that God is not already there filled with love for us, embracing our sufferings, weeping with us, and holding us close" (Pages 14-15).
Well stated! Father Peter Schuster
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